


Chaotic Thots

by fairytalegay



Series: Group Chat AU [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bisexual Isabelle Lightwood, Bisexual Jace Wayland, F/F, Group chat, Implied/Referenced Sex, Lesbian Clary Fray, M/M, Pansexual Simon Lewis, alec's only friends are his siblings and simon and clary, because jace has no filter, but damn its fun to write, everyone bullies alec, i have no idea how to tag this, i'll probably add more tags as more things happen, overuse of memes and internet slang, this is hot garbage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 11:37:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16283882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytalegay/pseuds/fairytalegay
Summary: izzy renamed the chat "Chaotic Thots"alec: hey im not a thotclary: yeah ur An Adult Virginalec: im 17???clary: YOURE AN ADULT VIRGIN





	1. alec is an adult virgin

**Author's Note:**

> this is mess, enjoy

**izzy has renamed the chat "the gays and simon and jace"**

 

 **alec:** **and alec

 

 **izzy:** sure jan

 

 **alec:** i am though

 

 **simon:** ANYWAY haha yeah

 

 **izzy:** what

 

 **jace:** mhm vv straight

 

 **clary:** WHAT

 

 **alec:** jace????

 

 **simon:** Oh, Haven't You Heard? jace and i were fwb last year

 

 **alec:** excuse me

 

 **izzy:** BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

 

 **clary:** JACE??? IS THIS TRUE???

 

 **jace:** maybe so

 

 **clary:** simon you snake you never told me

 

 **simon:** "hey clary, you know that guy you're crushing on? yeah i just sucked his dick last night"

 

 **alec:** oh god

 

 **clary:** OKAY I GET IT NO MORE PLEASE

 

 **jace:** like you and izzy dont give us in-detail recounts of your sexcapades

 

 **alec:** never say sexcapades again

 

 **jace:** sexcapades

 

**alec removed jace from "the gays and simon and jace"**

 

**izzy renamed the chat "Chaotic Thots"**

 

 **alec:** hey im not a thot

 

 **clary:** yeah ur An Adult Virgin

 

 **alec:** im 17???

 

 **clary:** YOURE AN ADULT VIRGIN

 

**simon added jace to "Chaotic Thots"**

 

 **alec:** traitor.

 

 **jace:** yeehaw bitches im back

 

 **izzy:** how did we think he was ever het

 

 **clary:** his appalling dress sense

 

 **alec:** oh damn

 

 **simon:** who made this tea? very delicious

 

 **jace:** back off i like leather okay

 

 **simon:** yeah to be fair we cant all be bane

 

 **alec:** magnus bane?

 

 **simon:** yeah, why?

 

 **alec:** no reason

 

 **alec:** you're right, he does dress well

 

 **clary:** how very homosexual of you alec

 

 **izzy:** oh my godddd alec you do not like magnus i swear

 

 **alec:** you're right i dont, ive barely spoken to him

 

 **jace:** because when you do you kinda forget english and like. how to move ur mouth

 

 **simon:** once he stepped on ur toe and i thought you were going to propose when he apologized

 

**alec has left "Chaotic Thots"**

 

 **izzy:** coward

 

 **simon:** now that alec is gone can we talk about how magnus totally checked out his ass at lunch yesterday

 

 **izzy:** REALLY OH MY GOD

 

 **simon:** yeah alec bent over to pick something up and bane went all 🌚

 

 **clary:** i mean i relate

 

 **simon:** he does have a nice ass

 

 **izzy:** okay lets stop discussing my brothers ass

 

 **jace:** simon why were you looking at banes table in the first place

 

 **simon:** YEET

 

**simon has left "Chaotic Thots"**

 

 **clary:** he likes raphael

 

 **clary:** OW he just punched me

 

 **jace:** you're in the same place and you're both on your phones

 

 **clary:** and what about it? *ariana hair flip*

**izzy added alec and simon to "Chaotic Thots"**

 

 **jace:** well well well look who came crawling back

 

 **alec:** you act like i asked for this

 

 **simon:** i did, you guys are my only source of entertainment

 

 **clary:** im glad our gay messes amuse you simon

 

 **simon:** they really do

 

 **izzy:** speaking of gay messes

 

 **alec:** iz no

 

 **izzy:** iz yes

 

 **izzy:** how are we going to get malec and saphael to interact

 

 **clary:** use one more ship name and you're getting divorced

 

 **izzy:** D:

 

 **jace:** we could grab them as they come out of school and them lock them both in closets

 

 **alec:** jace thats kidnap

 

 **alec:** plus im straight so

 

 **izzy:** …

 

 **simon:** …

 

 **clary:** …

 

 **jace:** …

 

 **alec:** i am though??? idk why you guys keep saying im gay, im straight, i dated lydia. i have no interest in men

 

 **simon:** Now We Dont Have Time To Unpack All Of That

 

 **alec:** however,,

 

 ******jace:** here we go

 **alec:** magnus did just text me something im 90% was an invitation on a date  
**  
** ****

**alec:** i cant really tell because of how he speaks  
**  
** ****

**clary:** show us and we shall dissect it as a group  
  
****

**alec:** "Alexander, I truly enjoyed working on that project with you, I found you a very interesting person. I would like to get to know you better, perhaps over coffee, what do you say darling? I know the most adorable little cafe up town." ****

 **  
** ******izzy:** he’s 18 and yet he talks like he’s 500 years old

 ****  
**alec:** i think it’s kinda cool how he talks  
**  
** ****

**jace:** of course you do  
**  
** ****

**simon:** he was definitely asking you out though  
**  
** ****

**alec:** what do i say???

 **clary:** you could always say yes but go as friends  
**  
** ****

**jace:** he called you darling, he wants to get into your pants  
  
****

**izzy:** JACE ****  
**  
** ****

**alec:** i do want to spend time with him though, i really like him  
**  
** ****

**clary:** just casually friendzone him  
**  
** ****

**simon:** it worked on me  
**  
** ****

**izzy:** shut up simon

 **  
** **simon:** :(

 **  
****alec:** "that would be great! i barely hang out with people outside my friendship group, a change of company would be nice :)"

 

 **clary:** HEY

 **  
** **alec:** ITS ONLY THE TRUTH

 **  
** **jace:** why did you use that smiley face, it looks you want to murder him

 ****  
**alec:** but its a happy face???  
**  
** ****

**izzy:** god you’re such a grandpa  
**  
** ****

**alec:** :))) see now its extra happy  
**  
** ****

**simon:** thats even worse alec stop  
**  
** ****

**alec:** :(((


	2. lesbian rights!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one is kinda short because i actually wrote magnus and alecs date wow i wrote something serious for this au

**clary:** alright gays and alec (?) do i have your attention    
  
****

**alec:** im going to ignore that question mark   
  
****

**jace:** whatever helps you sleep at night buddy   
  
****

**izzy:** yes you have our attention    
  
****

**clary:** thank you isabelle. i have an announcement. i, clary fairchild, am gay. i thought i was bisexual, but i am gay   
  
****

**simon:** you go you funky little lesbian

 

**clary:** simon i would die for you

 

**simon:** then perish

 

**izzy:** proud of you!!!!! <333

 

**clary:** thats gay

 

**izzy:** CLARY WE HAVE BEEN DATING FOR FIVE MONTHS

 

**jace** : so your crush on me??

 

**clary:** comp het baybee

 

**jace:** :(

 

**simon:** dont worry jace my crush was very homo

 

**jace:** y’know simon, i think i got that when my dick was in your mouth

 

**izzy:** JESUS CHRIST JACE

 

**clary:** oh god the mental images… i cant unsee them

 

**alec:** hey guys i was getting ready for my thing with magnus what did i miss

 

**alec:** oh

 

**alec:** oh no

 

**alec:** but congrats clary! but jace i may have to kill you over that

 

**jace:** understandable have a nice day

 

**izzy:** have a VERY nice day alec ;)

 

**alec:** izzy,,

 

**simon:** so where are you guys going

 

**alec:** idk some coffee shop??? but i dont drink coffee so i’ll have to quietly order hot chocolate and hope he doesn’t notice

 

**clary:** ah yes, we wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation of being a terrifying cold hearted warrior

 

**alec:** excuse you i absolutely am

 

**jace:** alec you sleep with a teddy bear

 

**alec:** MAYBE I DO WHATS YOUR POINT

 

**simon:** you should invite bane to the group chat

 

**alec:** oh god no never

 

**izzy:** D”: thats not very nice 

 

**clary:** yeah alec whats wrong with the group chat

 

**jace:** yeah why shouldn’t he join Chaotic Thots

 

**alec:** OKAY HE’S OUTSIDE GOTTA GO LOVE YOU ALL BYE BYE BYE

 

**simon:** well its bane so surely it should be

 

**simon:** bi bi bi

 

**izzy has removed simon from “chaotic thots”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tag yourself im simon


	3. I'm Coming Out By Gloria Gaynor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really have no idea how to title these chapters im sorry

**alec:** i have returned

 

 **clary:** why is everything you say so dramatic

 

 **alec:** its the gayness

 

 **clary:** WHAT THE FUCK SHIT

 

 **izzy:** OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

 

 **simon:** I HAVE BEEN DREAMING OF THIS DAY FOR SO LONG

 

 **jace:** fvij[ogfrijobfijgnijgnsij[o

 

 **simon:** alec i think you broke jace

 

 **jace:** THREE YEARS. I HAVE BEEN SAYING THIS FOR THREE YEARS. BUT NOOOOOO YOU DIDNT LISTEN

 

 **izzy:** i mean… mood tbh

 

 **clary:** hey why dont we let alec tell us what happened maybe

 

 **simon:** or he could wait and tell us in person???

 

 **alec:** magnus and i made out

 

 **simon:** or not

 

 **izzy:** deadass already planning the wedding

 

 **alec:** hdhdhfh we’re not even a couple yet

 

 **simon:** its official guys… he keysmashed…

 

 **jace:** ONE OF US ONE OF US

 

 **clary:** im sorry i cant be only one who needs to know EVERYTHING that happened

 

 **izzy:** no i need it too alec tell us please please please

 

 **alec:** okay fine

 

 **alec:** so the actual date was going really well but then we went back to his place

 

 **jace:** ;)))

 

 **alec:** not like that!!! we got kicked out of the coffee shop ANYWAY at one point i went to the bathroom and when i came back magnus was like “you got some notifs from a group chat…”

 

 **simon:** oh god

 

 **alec:** exactly. so as i had a heart attack he asks “is this a date” and im like “lol no im straight” and then he asks why you guys think im gay

 

 **izzy:** oh thats a floodgate

 

 **alec:** so i just started talking and listing all the reason you guys thought i was gay and then as i tried to defend my straightness i just kinda realized

 

 **clary:** WE STAN A NEWLY WOKE KING

 

 **alec:** and literally as i said it he just went for it and i kissed back and he deadass said “were there sparks?” so i just kissed him again and yeah

 

 **izzy:** THATS SO FUCKING CUTE

 

 **simon:** BRO IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

 

 **jace:** just kissed???

 

 **alec:** yes jonathan i am nowhere near ready for anything else

 

 **jace:** well when you’re ready you know who to ask for advice ;)

 

 **clary:** you suck one (1) dick and suddenly you’re the master of sex

 

 **simon:** can we please refrain from talking about my dick

 

 **izzy:** i love this group chat

 

 **alec:** i hate this group chat

 

 **clary:** so are yall gonna go on another date?

 

 **alec:** yeah he’s coming over on sunday

 

 **jace:** but iz and i are out on sunday,,

 

 **alec:** exactly. there is no way you guys are meeting 

 

 **izzy:** NO FAIR

 

 **simon:** does he at least know about us?

 

 **alec:** well

 

 **alec:** he exclusively refers to you all as “tiny ginger” “nerd hot” “eyeliner” and “muscles mcblondie”

 

 **clary:** HEY

 

 **jace:** HEY

 

 **simon:** nice

 

 **izzy:** wait what was his name for you alec

 

 **alec:** …

 

 **alec:** pretty boy…

 

 **clary:** thats so fucking cute

 

 **simon:** i bet he’s blushing right now

 

 **jace:** can confirm, he looks like a tomato

 

 **alec:** screw you

 

 **jace:** i’ll think you’ll find that’s magnus’ job

 

**alec has removed jace from “Chaotic Thots”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i end this on the same joke i ended last chapter with? maybe so


	4. Eyes Emoji

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lets not talk about the fact that its been a month im the worst fanfic writer im so sorry gang

**clary:** alright simon give us updates

 

 **simon:** on what???

 

 **clary:** Oh You Know ;)

 

 **simon:** i really dont

 

 **izzy:** she’s talking about you and raphael

 

 **jace:** how did you know that????

 

 **izzy:** we’re soulmates, we understand each other <33

 

 **jace:** ew

 

 **izzy:** alright just because your crush isn’t interested in you

 

 **jace:** OKAY ISABELLE THATS ENOUGH OF THAT

 

 **alec:** jace has a crush?

 

 **jace:** no

 

 **izzy:** yes

 

 **izzy:** he told me about them but he wouldn’t tell me who it is :(((

 

 **jace:** this is literally exactly why

 

 **clary:** can we get back on topic please

 

 **simon:** no, dont, please continue to terrorise jace

 

 **jace:** no lets terrorise simon i like that much better

 

 **clary:** only i decide who to terrorise.

 

 **clary:** so simon,

 

 **jace:** HA

 

 **simon:** goddamnit

 

 **clary:** have you had any interactions with mr santiago since the awkward lunch hall eye contact

 

 **alec:** hey i dont remember that

 

 **simon:** thats because you were bent over with your ass in the air

 

 **alec:** excuse me???

 

 **jace:** oh right you wasn’t here for that conversation

 

 **jace:** “ **simon:** now that alec is gone can we talk about how magnus totally checked out his ass at lunch yesterday

 

 **izzy:** REALLY OH MY GOD

 

 **simon:** yeah alec bent over to pick something up and bane went all 🌚”

 

 **alec:** oh. my. god.

 

 **alec:** skxkxmxskwalzkxkckdkwks

 

 **jace:** oh no he went into gay overdrive

 

 **clary:** ANYWAY

 

 **clary:** SIMON. SPILL THE BEANS.

 

 **simon:** thats a really weird phrase

 

 **clary:** JUST ANSWER ME

 

 **simon:** okay, okay, this morning he insulted my hair and i thanked him

 

 **clary:** jesus christ you’re worse than alec

 

 **alec:** i would be offended but it’s just true

 

 **jace:** how the ever loving fuck did you seduce me

 

 **simon:** with my charming good looks

 

 **jace:** you got me there

 

 **izzy:** stop this jimon bullshit right now im here for saphael

 

 **clary:** alright i warned you

 

 **clary:** im divorcing you isabelle lightwood

 

 **izzy:** BABE NO PLEASE

 

 **clary:** I SAID NO MORE SHIP NAMES

 

 **izzy:** SO IM GUESSING YOU’RE NOT A FAN OF CLIZZY THEN

 

 **clary:** THATS…

 

 **clary:** actually kinda cute

 

 **clary:** nvm i now support ship names and i am no longer divorcing izzy

 

 **alec:** thank god i couldnt handle my parents splitting up

 

 **izzy:** we are not your parents alec

 

 **alec:** well you care about me which is more than you can say about my actual parents

 

 **simon:** OH SHIT

 

 **jace:** why would you say something so controversial yet so brave

 

 **clary:** A SISTER SNAPPED

 

 **alec:** okay james charles

 

 **simon:** i dont know what to do with the information that alec knows who james charles is

 

 **alec:** why wouldnt i???

 

 **clary:** no offense alec but you’re kinda a grandpa

 

 **alec:** OFFENSE TAKEN

 

 **alec:** im not a grandpa, this morning i replied to magnus’ snapchat story with the eyes emoji

 

 **jace:** do you even know what that means

 

 **alec:** nope but he sent me a selfie in response so clearly it was a good thing

  
**izzy:** what have we created

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i finished 3a last week and i haven’t stopped thinking about it im mcstressed and i need it to be february right now


	5. mlem wuhluhwuh solidarity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no update schedule we post sporadically and randomly like men

**alec:** simon are you free at 2pm tomorrow

 

**simon:** are you asking me out? not cool man, you’re with bane

 

**alec:** no im not asking you out

 

**alec:** well i guess technically i am

 

**izzy:** what is happening

 

**alec:** i may have accidentally let it slip that simon likes raphael when talking to magnus and last night magnus told me that raphael thinks simon is cute so magnus and i may or may not have arranged a double date

 

**izzy:** MALEC AND SAPHAEL DOUBLE DATE FUCK YEAH

 

**clary:** can we add clizzy and make it a triple date

 

**alec:** hm. no.

 

**clary:** WHY

 

**alec:** because simon is the only i trust to meet magnus and not be… yknow…

 

**clary:** an absolute freak?

 

**alec:** yeah pretty much

 

**simon:** bro im fuckin shaking in my boots 

 

**simon:** i mean i was supposed to be hanging out with jace tomorrow,,

 

**jace:** nah its fine you go

 

**simon:** you sure man??

 

**jace:** yeah its chill im not gonna cockblock my best friend

 

**simon:** ok alec tell magnus im down

 

**alec:** tell him yourself

 

**alec added magnus to “Chaotic Thots”**

 

**izzy:** FUCK YEAH LETS GET THIS BREAD GAYDIES

 

**alec:** really glad thats the first message he sees

 

**magnus:** ah, this must be the famous group chat

 

**magnus:** eyeliner, tiny ginger, muscles mcblondie, nerd hot, good to finally meet you all

 

**clary:** can we PLEASE change our contact names to those   
  
**alec:** no   
  
**jace:** why not, pretty boy?   
  
**alec:** oh my god please never call me that again   
  
**jace:** so its only fine when magnus says it??   
  
**alec:** yes.   
  
**magnus:** one point to the new guy   
  
**simon:** is he really the new guy if we talk about him everyday and alec sends us a screenshot of everytime they interact   
  
**alec:** SIMON I TRUSTED YOU   
  


**simon:** im trying to win him over so he will report nice things back to raphael   
  
**izzy:** once again simons gay ass causes trouble for The Gang

 

**jace:** why is The Gang capitalised

 

**magnus:** clearly because its an official title

 

**izzy:** hey alec do you mind if i take magnus for myself

 

**alec:** i absolutely mind.

 

**clary:** WHAT ABOUT ME ISABELLE???

 

**clary:** I KNOW MY MAKEUP ISNT AS GOOD AS HIS AND HE DRESSES WAY BETTER THAN ME BUT I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING 

 

**simon:** my best friend, everyone

 

**izzy:** im sorry clary im leaving you for magnus

 

**izzy:** he understands me

 

**magnus:** do i get a say in this?

 

**izzy:** no. we’re having a fall wedding, the colour scheme is green and gold

 

**magnus:** ooh i do like those colors

 

**clary:** alec our loved ones have left us we should get married too as petty revenge

 

**clary:** it can be a platonic mlm/wlw solidarity wedding

 

**alec:** can i wear my white and gold suit

 

**clary:** no you look like a douchebag in that

 

**alec:** :(

 

**magnus:** sorry, im going to need pictures of that

 

**izzy:** ive got you covered babes i’ll send them over snapchat

 

**simon:** as thrilling as this has been to watch unfold, can we get back to the reason we added magnus in the first place

 

**jace:** or we clzkdkdldkdpslmz

 

**alec:** what

 

**clary:** DUMBASS GOT HIS PHONE TAKEN OFF OF HIM CAUSE HE TOOK IT OUT RIGHT IN FRONT OF MR STARKWEATHER

 

**clary:** oh no hes seen me

 

**clary:** TELL ALEC I LOVE HSMIHOFLFCKF

 

**izzy:** we’ve lost two soldiers today men. they will not be forgotten. 

 

**alec:** a moment of silence for Clarissa Adele Fairchild and Jonathan Christopher Lightwood.

 

**simon:** so anyway magnus tell raphael im down for the double date

 

**magnus:** as you wish

 

**alec:** i just want to know what jace was going to say

 

**izzy:** that, we we never know…

 

**simon:** *twilight zone theme plays*

 

**alec:** god you guys are losers

 

**izzy:** you love us though

  
**alec:** unfortunately

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont ask me what app they’re using in this, i have no idea. also feel free to hit me up on tumblr at fairytalegay for fresh cursed content or just leave a nice comment here (they really do make my day)

**Author's Note:**

> comments feed my soul (also i know the spacing is weird it went all funny when i copied it over from google docs and i couldnt fix it)


End file.
